Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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