I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
