So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
