Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
