News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
