she smelled like a LAN party
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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