I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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