Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
