So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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