The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
