I wish I could punch you in the face.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
