please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
