You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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