Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
