I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
