Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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