At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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