dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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