Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
