She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
