Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Randomize
