her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
time to smoke my breakfast
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
