You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
