Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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