god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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