Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry my hands just texted you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
