I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
