i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
