Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
