We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
