Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
