Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
