you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
