She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
