Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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