I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
