2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
