is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
