your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
