In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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