Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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