do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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