Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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