so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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