come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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