you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
