I think I won the penis lottery.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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