She said her name was "party"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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