I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
