The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
