Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
