ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
