sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
