the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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