Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
