Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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