No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
