At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You pole danced in your parka.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
