He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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