her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
