If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Two words: blizzard sex
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
