he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
