Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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