Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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