Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
