Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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