I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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