Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
