I got her a Nickelback box set.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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