Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
