There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
