imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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