what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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