Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
