is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
